Just A Breath

Before I get started, to answer some questions, here is a contest note: I'll post the rules on May 9th. Submissions will be accepted from that point until midnight, Monday May 12th. Voting will open on May 13th, and close Friday at midnight (May 16th.) What kind of submissions? Well, just know this: you're gonna have to work for it. However, it actually should be fun. Trust me.

Today is all about breathing. I just cannot breath today, in every sense of the word.

I woke up gasping for breath. I got moving and was all right, then on my drive to class I had an asthma attack (and my inhaler is mostly empty.) Later, I found I just kept over breathing with deep breath after deep breath, and yawn after yawn. Then I found myself in a tightly packed auditorium with no windows, against a wall, gasping for air... it turns out that I am more claustrophobic than I give myself credit for.

Then the worst of them all happened. On my drive home I had all of my windows open. It is over 80 degrees today, and gorgeous out. Except, it is Spring. Spring in a rural country area is not sweet smelling. You have heard me say before that there are more cows than people in Vermont (technically not true, but we have the highest amount of cows per capita.) Now, imagine the smell of that baking in the sun after a long cold winter. With grass cuttings and pollen in the air. With farmers actively (as in, I passed four separate running spreaders) fertilizing their fields.

Have you ever been driving by a place that smelled so bad that you resort to the tiniest breath you can possibly take - little tiny gasps - in the hopes that the smell will pass? Except it doesn't? You start to get lightheaded, but it's still so bad you are fighting the urge to breath. Worse, now that you are fighting the urge to breath, you have never wanted to breath more in your entire life! But you can't, because even your eyes are watering from the smell still. But then it gets so bad that you simply HAVE to breath? And you do.... and it's not a little gasping breath anymore but a full fledged, I'm going to smell this smell forever, breath?

Yeah. It was so bad, I think it actually straightened my hair. And this is horrible to share, but I think I can still taste it. I may decide to throw up, just for a change of sensory.

I'm also overwhelmed with everything today. I had to take a big test-thing today, it's a requirement I pass it to graduate. I should have no problem, but it still left me nervous and breathless. This feeling only gets worse if I happen to glance at the calendar and see the million things I have to do. I literally have something kid-sports related (coaching or attending) all seven days a week right now. And school. And painting. And family, complete with extended family issues. And I'm still working out (so I don't lose my mind). But I'm not sleeping (so I might lose it anyway.)

And. I. Just. Cannot. Breath!