Too Close For Comfort

Usually when the bottom drops out of a situation, and I am anywhere in the vicinity, there is a high probably it is at least partially my fault. Today, this was not the case, so I was able to watch the whole spectacle as an extremely close observer instead of a participant. It's really a strange feeling to be on the outside of a bad situation and not be playing a part. It seems that the overwhelming natural instinct for someone not involved is to unobtrusively hide under something solid. Interesting.

As I am unused to being a non-participant in the action, I was uncertain whether to follow my powerful instincts and hide under my desk... or take mental notes watching the play-by-play from my incredibly close vantage point.

I watched. I'm human. You just can't turn away from a train wreck. (Well, unless it's reality television. I have absolutely no problem hitting the off switch on those shows.)

The whole thing went down in my class this morning. The 8 o' cl..."Why are we awake at this hour, don't you know college students drink until 4 a.m.??!!?!" accounting class. As I was on the other side of the room looking over my test results, I didn't hear the start of the argument with the professor, but that changed rapidly.

I think it was the part at which the professor stopped trying to be reasonable with the girl and asked her to leave the classroom and then the student responded with "No, I'm not leaving. I paid to be here, and I don't have to leave. It's you who is causing the problem and disrupting my learning!" when I started to question the wisdom of remaining above my desk.

Taking cover starts to look mighty attractive at that point. The argument carried on, at some points with others joining in... but all in all, it was just a mess. The professor handled it as professionally as it could be, but I was still rather shell-shocked about it. So were the people sitting around me. As far as wrongs go, now that I know the whole deal I would say the professor made a small error in judgment that isn't a really big deal, but is technically in the wrong. But the students took it so much further than that, and were much further in the wrong from the start. They were arguing about a technicality on an issue where they're in serious trouble (deflecting?) It's almost as if they just needed one mistake/excuse in order to justify outrageous behavior without consequences.

The profuse amount of self-entitled bull that the student was spouting was staggering. It just went on and on, about how if the student does poorly on a test it is 100% the professor's fault. That nothing is a student's fault at all, and that really everyone else owes the student the obligation, not the student being obligated to show up and learn. Honestly, it was impressive that the professor didn't leap over the tables, start shaking her and scream "Are you kidding me?" I would have been sorely tempted. Alright, I was sorely tempted. I admit it. I wanted to smack some sense into her over tanned, self-entitled, helium-filled head.

This whole entitled without earning attitude I find intriguing. I know it's incredibly prevalent in the student body of my college. But even more frightening, I am noticing it among my children's peers. Not so much at my son's age (first grade), but at my daughter's. My daughter and her friends were over a couple of weeks ago, and were avidly complaining about their teacher and how they want to write a letter to the television news and protest that they're being used as slave labor.

After I finished choking on my class of water, I managed to break in and ask for an explanation. Are you ready for this?

Clean-up time.

Seriously. The little moppets were upset because they all had to actively engage in clean-up time every day while their teacher watched and didn't help (she apparently stays at her desk.) My daughter actually looked up at me and said "We're forced to clean up, and do HER job!" All her friends were nodding vigorously in agreement around her. I was in shock.

I asked her why she thought that a place that she spends eight hours a day at should be any different than her house where she is expected to clean up, pitch in, and be a good family member. She said it was because the teachers and staff were paid to be there. I stopped the whole conversation right there and set them straight that their teacher's job was to teach, and that everyone in a classroom is a community. You all make a mess, you all help clean up, and sometimes you do extra things you don't have any vested interest in. It's the nature of the beast, so get over yourself and get busy.

I was furious, but I kept calm. I asked her how she would feel if she went to a place where the others messed everything up and then expected her to clean it up and do the other job that she was hired to do in the first place? I think I saw a light-bulb go off at that point, and she stopped trying to make her point. She took it to heart, but her friends? The little moppets all righteous in their indignation? They sulked. Clearly, they really still believed that it wasn't their job and that they were entitled to certain things.

This kind of attitude just infuriates me! I believe in entitlement - when it's EARNED. Take my little hissy-fit over the honors thing... even I knew it was sort of silly to be that upset about it. But I was upset because I was being denied something I had actually earned! I heard one student in the hall talking to another saying that the honors ceremony should be abolished anyway, because it alienated students from each other in the student body. That sounds remarkably like the argument that was given by my kids' school about how there will be no more games where someone loses.

I know I am going to get hate mail. I don't care. People, it's things like this that the misguided sense of entitlement without right comes from! Games without losers? Could you imagine playing monopoly but no one ever getting ahead of anyone? We're talking no more races at field-day, no more Uno games. No Old Maid or checkers. No Chess or backgammon. And if you want to Go Fish, it better be with a fishing rod.

I think that the whole idea comes down to how people handle themselves when they win and lose, and that's why people are creating these bizarre rules against playing any games at all. You have to learn to accept when things don't go your way. You have to learn how to handle yourself in the presence of another person when you are seriously disappointed. AND you have to learn to handle yourself when you win so you are not a complete jerk! You need both skills! They're important, not because children need to be taught to be cut-throat. In fact, that's the furthest thing from the truth. They need these things so they can learn to play fair, be competitive, and know that winning really isn't everything - but being a good person is.

You don't get the end result without learning the lesson first. Which, technically, brings me right back to the initiating argument in my class today. I have always seen it as my responsibility to be learning, not my professor's. Yes, they have to be there and teach but I have to do the work and actively learn. ME. It's my job to get up every day, and make sure I'm where I need to be. I couldn't imagine giving up that power to someone else, and here are oodles of people just throwing it away. We're a society that thrives on throwing away responsibility of our own lives to other people!

Makes me ill. And I can assure you that I will do everything in my power to make sure my child understands being responsible for herself, and the difference between being truly entitled to something and earning her accolades, verses crossing the line into sheer idiocy and throwing away her own personal power.