Ringing The Bell

Before I get started, I think I may be under attack. About five minutes after the bus picked up the kids, gunshots started. I feel that it might be important to mention this fact, just in case the police need some sort of clue as to what happened if I'm taken prisoner. Maybe the chickens across the way are leading a revolt, or perhaps Canada has simply gotten fed up, and decided to take over Vermont. One can only hope.

I think the gunshots are off in the distance... but one can never be sure, as we live in a valley with mountains all around; the echo rocks. I cannot wait until we get the fog bell hung, with these acoustics I'll probably anger the entire village! I'm thinking pitchforks and torches - party time!

What's a fog bell, you ask? Here, let me show you:


It's a 1+ ton hunk of metal that lighthouses used instead of foghorns, technology being absent and all. This one actually belonged to the Ballast Point Lighthouse in San Diego, California. My grandfather found it in the junk yard in the 1960's (the lighthouse had been torn down,) restored it, and then argued with the museum over it for years. I grew up with it, ringing it at his house and ticking off all his neighbors:

As you can see, this picture was taken before he completely restored it and 1) I told you I'm a natural blond, 2) It is possible for me to get a tan, being so pale that I glow in the dark now is more of a recent development since I discovered sunscreen, and 3) Grandpa also had his house located with some decent acoustics... but I think mine here can beat his, and I'm anxious to try.

I think I need to explain that my grandfather was a really strange bird. At his house there were real working cannons, an eyeball tree, giant metal spiders on ceilings (we're talking three feet across, evil looking things), skeletons of various animals all over the place, intact full size jaws of great white sharks, evil tiki-gods nine feet and taller in every dark corner, and metal sculptures of creepy things outside all over the place. The bell was just one more thing he had, next to the giant outdoor macaw cage on top of the hill he lived on. We fed the macaw fig newtons (the bird's name was Guakamaya) and until I was an adult and doing my own shopping, I didn't know that Fig Newtons were people food. (Can I just say how GLAD I am that the early 1980's are over? Because seriously... who dresses like that?)

He eventually lent the bell to the museum for an exhibition (I think he loved lording the fact that he owned it over them,) then got it back and gave it to me before he died so they couldn't claim it. So, I have the bell that is from California way the heck up in the Northeast, and the museum claims they still have it on their website (and others, last I checked... it's been a while) - which I find completely hilarious. Especially since when I contacted them to potentially sell it (to pay for college) they mentioned how I should donate it, and pay the $5,000 shipping too, because I'm such a good citizen.

I'm a broke citizen, and I decided that considering the family history and how it's now a four generational thing for my family, that I'm going to hang it and annoy my neighbors instead. It's all about priorities, people.

Unfortunately, it's been here for many years now and we just haven't hung it yet. It's heavy, and we have to build a structure to hold it. Not to mention, we need to actually MOVE the thing and I wasn't kidding when I said it weighed more than a ton. I was being very literal.

But that is the big project for immediately after graduation! We're in the design stages right now, planning out how we're going to accomplish this. There is only one problem... the best tree I have growing on my property mysteriously sprung up between the slats of the pallet the bell is sitting on:

I am NOT going to ruin that tree. I'm in love with that tree. So now it gets even trickier. Mr. Savy doesn't care about the tree, but I have warned him. I will chain myself to that tree in order to save it. I've threatened other things too, so I'm confident he'll figure this out to my satisfaction.

Once we get it hung, I'll post a video for everyone. I can't wait! I know there is a joke in there somewhere... "how many Vermonter's does it take to hang a fog bell?"

In other news, we only have one entry so far for the contest! Come on people! You only have until Saturday! And it's easy! Just a fictional reason (sob-story) about why you should win the prize! Anything from a well structured one-liner up to 500 words can be submitted for voting on - what are you waiting for?