Value Added

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I just have to break down a moment here and say that I have had a bad string of events over the past couple of days. Sure, they're not life altering, wow-type things, but they still made a massive impression. It's things like the following that make me want to move to another planet.

On Sunday, we showed up to a soccer game (Mr. Savy and I are the coaches.) We had only been there a moment and had just started unloading our car when a parent and player from our team approached us. He was livid. There had been a miscommunication, and he had arrived two hours earlier. He started threatening Mr Savy, demanding "honor" and saying they should "go take a walk and settle this the old fashioned way." OVER. A. TIME. DISCREPANCY!

Mr. Savy kept trying to smooth it over. He apologized that there was a mix-up, but it wasn't totally his fault. He manages the league, and two teams personally (I should add that we don't get paid a single solitary cent for any coaching, travel costs, or anything else. This is 100% volunteer on our parts. ) So, to keep everything straight he sends off an email with that week's schedule to every single player. He also puts it in an online calendar. Mentioning this only made the guy even angrier. In retrospect, I can see that it was that he was embarrassed. He doesn't have a computer, he doesn't get email, he doesn't access the internet - which he told us then. His ex-wife, whom the player lives with does have access, but apparently she isn't sharing the information with him. However, no one told us that they didn't have access, so how exactly were we supposed to know? We had contact info for each player, and sent out the details - that he didn't get them wasn't something we were aware of, but he took it as a personal attack.

Anyway, the guy kept getting angrier and angrier (and he is a big, biker-guy with the whole leather get-up and everything,) and stepping into Mr. Savy's face and threatening him. Mr. Savy, being male - started reacting to it. I figure there is only so long a male can hold out before testosterone takes over when you are threatened. It's got to come down to pure biology and survival of the fittest at some point.

So, I stepped in between them. Smart, eh? I used my best "mommy is so ticked off at you right now" tone and yelled "That's Enough!"

But seriously? Why the hell do people just go for physical violence anytime anything goes wrong? It's not just a male thing, it's a female thing too. I hear the stories in my hair salon. I don't want to, but I hear them. I understand the whole charge from being physically forceful... I do! If I didn't, I wouldn't have two different kinds of full size punching bags and training swords that I love way more than my running shoes. I wouldn't enjoy kicking and punching the heck out of them so much, that I think I may actually crave it.

But I would never hurt another person, unless they were threatening one of mine. That's my only criteria. I'll reason with you until the cows come home (literal statement out here, you know.) But if I find a stranger standing over my child's bed? I'll kill him. I don't mean maim, and then call the police. I'm talking cessation of life for even getting that close to my children with nefarious thoughts. I think it's a hormone-X-chromosome-mommy-thing. I wasn't like this before children.

Anyway, the fight ended (anyone else notice it was on mother's day? Fun for me, let me tell you.) The rest of the day we just couldn't quite recover. I was thrown. We saw Speed Racer (a very good movie for an 7-12 yr old boy, and Mr. Savy seemed to like it too.) But I still didn't feel like I had a good day.

Yesterday, I had two finals. I won't even go into it, except to say I had a major issue with one which featured questions never taught in the class, I don't think they were even in the book. But even if they were - they were never a part of the curriculum. Then I had the fun experience of being told that I am not a person that adds any value to the human race/society. Another online friend was told that she added too much value this past week (which is complete nonsense, by the way - it'd be impossible for her to do so.) So, I think I was especially aware of the phrasing when it came my way. Ironic really, she was told she added too much (as a way to shush her,) and I was told I added nothing at all as a human being. At least it was phrased better, I'm getting a little tired of hearing that I'm a waste of space. I know, same thing, but I like the variation.

I went home rather muddled. I could say that I was upset, but muddled is better. I was angry, tried, frustrated, defensive, and really damn sad. A big part of me just wants to throw my hands up in the air and scream "You win! I GIVE UP!" I stayed that way for the rest of the day.

And then, just after I tucked my kids into bed, a coyote tried to eat my dog.

No, I'm not kidding. I had let my two little dogs out (Pomeranian, and Lhasa Apso) but the big Labrador was snoozing somewhere in the house. Not a couple minutes later I heard lots of yelping from my dogs (like they had been hurt.) I opened the door and the Lhasa ran in, and not a three feet from me was a giant coyote (they look like timber wolves this far north.) That coyote didn't even care that I was standing there with all the lights on, only a few feet from him. He was determined to kill my other dog. I think it may have been the copious amounts of fur that saved him, because he managed to double back (while I was shouting like crazy) and darted into the house. He seems fine today, he's already taken on the cat this morning.

But still.... After everything else going to hell in a hand-basket, something tries to eat my dog?!?!

My thoughts keep darting around, trying to decide which horrible thing to chew on. They sound something like "I can't believe that jerk at the soccer game! I should have said this! If I'd only had a shotgun, I would have taught that coyote a lesson (no, not really, but it sounds good, doesn't it?)! I'm worthless, it seems the jury is still weighted in that direction. I suppose I am lucky I have kids, I could never be the person who removed myself from life and left children behind. Bet those jerks are disappointed. I hope I ruin their breakfast with the knowledge of my mere continued existence. Who the hell puts stuff on a final that wasn't even taught, assigned, or covered and makes it count for 30%?!! Man, I'm fat. How does one iron a graduation gown anyway? Will it melt? It doesn't look like real fabric. Maybe I shouldn't even go to graduation, considering I am apparently so lacking in value to humanity in their opinion. Nah, I have dinner reservations afterwards...."

And people wonder why I have insomnia.

It all just feels like one, horrible, awful, long day. I'll probably dissect some of these happenings more precisely, but right now? I feel rather beaten up, on the verge of tears, and like I'm trying to decide between being really physically angry, or so depressed I should just give up and crawl into a corner.

And here I thought this week was going to be so happy and wonderful for me. Yes, I know there are a bazillion people who had/have it worse than me. I don't need to be told I don't have a right to my feelings. I acknowledge I am a speck of dust compared to the real horrors out there stemming from cyclones, earthquakes, and real crimes against humanity. But that doesn't mean that the past few days haven't really been awful. They have. I can't "be happy" and ignore it just because someone is suffering worse than I am.